Blessed are the cheese-makers…

I. Love. Cheese.

A lot.

The Magnificence!

I could go into a massive rant about how much I love it (a lot, as of the above), how much I eat it (a lot, because of the above), why I eat it etc but ultimately I feel that would be counter-productive to conveying the simple, and true depth of my emotion on the issue. If I could hire an opera singer to follow me around and sing “She loves CHEEEEESE!!!” on cue, I would consider that money well-spent.

Make no mistake! I do know that it is, in fact, a dairy product and therefore unable to reciprocate my affection… technically. But I argue that the cheese started it! It started all of this by alluring me in with its delicious virtues; its variety of smells, and tastes, and colours and forms and – oh my. Who can really blame me for the inevitable fall that was pretty much destined to occur?

The reason for this particular post is that I don’t want to keep it secret anymore. Not my love affair (everyone I know knows how I feel about cheese even if they didn’t want to); I want to inspire more people with how amazingly significant cheese really is. It changes things. Important things.

I hate the movie She’s The Man. I really and truly wish it never existed… EXCEPT for the fact that a crucial scene from this movie involves – you guessed it – cheese. And this scene conveys that pivotal to developing a relationship with someone you’re attracted to from the opposite sex, is asking them the critical question:

“Soooo….do you like… cheese?”

This line has even passed into our vernacular as a pick up line! Some might argue that it’s because of its inherent awkwardness and is therefore a point of hilarity, but they would be wrong. It’s because no one wants to find themselves in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like cheese (Ugh. Could you imagine being in a romantic relationship with someone who couldn’t stomach cheese?! What on earth would you find to talk about? I would even argue that this line should be used to weed out potential friendships for the same reason).

Look how welcoming it is!

If you find upon reading this that your affection for cheese has waned, or you know in your soul that you’ve been backsliding, never fear: cheese will welcome you back with open – erm – holes(?). And if you’ve never felt what I’ve described, apart from feeling truly sorry for you, I also sincerely hope that you feel a desire to change that reality. And if as you’ve been reading you’ve been fist-punching the air, declaring “Yes!” and nodding sagely in agreement, we are brothers on a deep level. Whatever the situation, the best thing for you to do this week is visit the GPO Cheese and Wine Room in Martin Place. It is a place that will allow an appreciation to be fired or rekindled.

Cheese is…an inspiration. And unlike Monty Python, who suggests that all makers of dairy products should be venerated, I personally take a strictly fundamental view: that “>blessed are the cheese-makers. And only the cheese-makers.

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